peacefulness and confidence

David is in Paris this week on a business trip. Lucie, Jack and I are doing much better together than I thought we would, in terms of coordinating meals, nap times and bath times. Jack is very close to crawling (I think) but for the time being, he still stays (relatively) put in the same place I put him, which makes the above activities run a bit more smoothly than they would if I had to watch him from crawling away into trouble. He is going to be the baby that takes off once he starts moving! Today I put him down near his high chair, left the kitchen to grab something from the living room, and ten seconds later when I returned, he was trying to pull himself up on the leg of the highchair. Oh BOY...

I miss David so much when he is away. Instead of dwelling on that, I try to focus on doing things I normally don't do when we are home together in the evening. My favorite thing to do, once the kids are asleep, is to sit in the dark on the woodsy side of our front porch at night and bask in the peacefulness of our neighborhood. There is a small woods and wanna-be creek (there is a trickle of water only when we have a huge rainstorm, or in this weeks case, 10 inches of snow that recently melted) which divides our property from the next house down. In the summertime, it provides wonderful privacy. At night, I can sit out there and just listen to the quiet. Tonight there was a small animal, possible a cat or a possum, crunching around in the bed of leaves that covers the ground. It reminded me of the fall, and the hordes of leaves that want to spend the winter on our lawn, and think that it's a good thing we bought this house in the springtime, because if we had seen the crazy amount of leaves there would be to rake each and EVERY fall on this good-sized piece of property, I may have passed on our gem.

This got me reminiscing about the past fall. Mom had come over to watch the kids so that I could get going on leaf removal. It was a daunting task for us, with David at work and me taking care of the kids during daylight hours. Mom had also lent us her leaf blower. I was blowing the leaves to the curb when an older gentleman walking by stopped me and said judgmentally, "You know, it's great exercise to rake the leaves." (Did I still look THAT post-partum blobby???) Normally, I would have smiled and said "Oh, yes, you're right, blah blah blah" and felt a little bad about taking the easy way out and letting machine do the work for me. However, I've found a new confidence in myself since I've had children. I never expected that making choices for my kids would help me to stand up for myself, in mostly small, every day ways such as this example. I looked at the man, smiled, and said "Oh, I know it is. But I've got a three month old and a two year old who make yard work nearly impossible and luckily my mom could help me out and watch them so I can keep our home looking nice. I'm sure our neighbors appreciate that." He smiled and said "Well, good luck" or something of that nature and kept walking.

I know this is a silly example of standing up for one's self, but for me, it's a big deal. Looking back, I see myself as the kind of person who let other people "be right" for the sake of wanting to keep the peace. Especially since Jack's birth, I've noticed that I question other people more. I allow myself to get angry when I should. I don't always let the other person go first. I have important things to take care of now, and frankly, am sick of BS.

They say kids change everything. Although those changes are difficult to get used to most of the time, there are some surprises among them, if we so choose to look for them. How has becoming a parent changed you?